Title: Gimmie Gimmie Gimmie (a man after midnight)
Rating: M for language
Pairing/s: Gwaine/Percy, background Arthur/Merlin
Character/s: Percy, Gwaine, Arthur, Merlin, Morgana, Elyan
Summary: Gwaine needs to talk less
Warnings: terrible terrible chat-up lines
Word Count: 300
Prompt: “We need to talk”
Author's Notes: yeah, ok, probably not what the prompt meant…
“Think my dick must be magnetic…” Gwaine says to the blond at the bar. “Because it’s attracted by those buns of steel.”
Percy shakes his head as the dark-haired guy standing next to ‘buns of steel’ looks worried.
Gwaine is unperturbed. “Hi, I’m Gwaine, I’m bisexual…” Percy groans and tries to tune Gwaine out. “Can I buy you a drink and then get sexual?” Despite the dirty look he gets, Gwaine decides he can sit down, pulling Percy along with him. “Do you have a boyfriend?”
“Um, hello” the other guy waves. “I’m Merlin, Arthur’s boyfriend.”
“That’s ok, I’m not the jealous type.” Gwaine winks.
Percy learnt to listen to what Gwaine doesn’t say more than what he actually does a long time ago, it helps being tall, all the babble happens further away and is easier to ignore.
By the end of the evening, Gwaine has switched his attentions from Arthur to Merlin “Your place or mine? If we flip a coin, will I get head?” For some reason, they actually help Percy get an inebriated Gwaine (I’m not drunk, I’m just intoxicated by Merlin!) into a taxi.
“Hey baby, wanna sit on my lap and see what pops up?”
The resounding slap that Arthur’s sister delivers to Gwaine almost makes Percy’s face hurt.
“I think I’m in there…”
“What’s the difference between jam and marmalade?”
As usual, Percy has not been listening to Gwaine, but this one sinks through. “Gwaine, no!”
Gwaine ignores him as his latest target, a chap called Elyan, shakes his head.
“I can’t marmalade my cock up your— mmmph!”
Percy shuts Gwaine up the only way he can think. “You need to talk less,” he says as he breaks the kiss.
Gwaine grins. “About bloody time!” He doesn’t do much more talking that night.