archaeologist_dTitle: Pick-up Line
Rating: PG
Pairing/s: Merlin/Arthur, Gwaine/Percival
Character/s: Merlin, Arthur
Summary: Pick-up lines are the worst. Luckily Arthur isn't using them.
Warnings: none
Word Count: 990
Prompt:#250 Pick-up line
Author's Notes: none. I did have to look through a lot of pick-up lines to find some that weren't downright filthy.
Disclaimer: I do not own the BBC version of Merlin; It and Shine do. I am very respectfully borrowing them with no intent to profit. No money has changed hands. No copyright infringement is intended.
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"If I told you I worked for the UPS, would you let me handle your package?"
Merlin couldn't believe his ears. How anyone could think such a horrible pick-up line would work. Even in a crowded pub with half the blokes pissed and the other half, well more than half, desperate to pull or be pulled, it was just too ridiculous.
Never mind that the arse blathering about such nonsense was gorgeous, with brown eyes to melt even the toughest of glares, magazine-model hair, and a smile just this side of pornographic.
Not that Merlin would have fallen for it, but he would have liked the chance to try. Even teeth-achingly bad come-ons were better than being ignored.
But the gorgeous git wasn't talking to Merlin. He was trying to chat up the man-tree next to Merlin.
Something must have worked. The behemoth, the one with the muscles and taut skin and an arse that Merlin wouldn't have minded exploring, didn't punch the wanker out, didn't laugh, just put down his pint, then leaning in, said, "Well, I do have an opening… for a hard worker."
The first bloke laughed, all snickers and satisfaction, flicking his hair, looking like something out of a TV commercial as he said, "Oh, hard… work is my specialty. How about we go back to my flat and find out just how hard working I can be? See what pops up."
At that, Merlin tried hard not to laugh. It was just too ridiculous. But the attractive bloke on Merlin's other side, blond and fit and just Merlin's type – if Merlin had a type but he wasn't going to think about it because he didn't have a chance in hell with him - did chuckle, then seeming to think the better of it, began to gulp down his pint to cover it up. Which led to coughing, rather a lot, which led to Merlin pounding on his back a few times, just in case.
Blondie waved him off, wheezing out a thanks. Merlin wanted to drop to his knees and beg him to come home with Merlin, but he knew it would never work. The bloke was fit, and Merlin, well, Merlin wasn't. So he shrugged, turning back to his own pint, and figured that was that.
It didn't help Merlin's glum mood when the model and the man-tree started exchanging sweat and saliva, tongues at full play, rolling around a bit on the edge of the bar as they humped each other. Quite a display, one that didn't make things any easier for Merlin when they bumped into him, shoving Merlin into the blond bloke before they staggered out of the pub.
It looked like the pickup line did work. Who would have guessed.
Trying hard not to sigh, Merlin gulped down the rest of his pint, then signalled for another.
"Kind of ridiculous."
At first, Merlin didn't know what to think. Was Blondie talking to him or some other more fit bloke? But he figured things couldn't get any worse so he said, "It worked for them."
"Really, those pick-up lines were the worst." Fit bloke was smiling, though, shaking his head, and smiling. At Merlin.
"I don't know. I've heard quite a few that could be considered beyond the pale." When Blondie motioned him to continue, Merlin gathered his courage, figuring why the hell not, and said, "'Do you like bacon? Wanna strip?' Or how about 'Is your name google? Because you're the answer I've been looking for.' Or 'That shirt is very becoming on you. If I was on you, I'd be coming too.'"
Blondie was snickering by the time Merlin caught his breath, then outright grinning. "Oh, those aren't so bad." Blondie took a sip of his own ale, then said, "My personal favourite - 'I wrote the dictionary on my cock last night. If you come to my house, I'll put some words in your mouth!'"
Merlin couldn’t help it. He burst out laughing. "Diction…ary. Ha… words… mouth…. Hahaha."
Looking like he's scored a win for the footie team, bright smiles and approval, Blondie said, "At least it was educational."
That set Merlin off again and Blondie joined in.
When they finally settled down, still snickering a bit, Blondie held out his hand, "Name's Arthur."
"Merlin." Shaking hands, holding on a little bit longer than he'd normally done, when Merlin reluctantly let go, he started playing with his pint. A little shy, a little unsure. Knowing what Arthur would ask next, he forestalled it, said, "Yes, like the wizard."
"Never met a wizard before." Arthur moved a little closer, covered Merlin's busy hand with his own. Between them was heat and curiosity and maybe something more. "Arthur and Merlin."
Merlin looked up, stared deep into Arthur's blue eyes, said a bit warily, "Bit of a legend, yeah."
"It could be destiny." Arthur wasn't smiling, though, not making it a joke.
"Is that a pick-up line?" Merlin pulled back, frowning. He had to know if Arthur was just playing him or if there was something more. He hoped it was, but his luck with boyfriends hadn't been the best.
Arthur reached out, lightly touched Merlin's forehead, smoothing out his frown. "No. If it was, I'd have asked to see your magic wand." When Merlin smiled at that, Arthur took Merlin's hand in his, and said, "How about instead of magic and destiny, we start over. Hi, I'm Arthur."
Merlin let his hand rest in Arthur's, warm and safe and all that potential sizzling between them. "I'm Merlin. Come here often?" Then realizing what he'd just done, his face heating up, he tried to let go but Arthur held on.
"I do now." Arthur leaned in and kissed Merlin, softly, a sweet tentative touch, but firming up with each passing moment.
With that, Merlin knew that everything would be all right after all. That sometimes pick-up lines did work. Even for him.
The end