Title: Stupid Idiot
Rating: Teen and Up
Character/s: Merlin, Arthur and others on the side
Word Count: 883
It has been said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. Merlin has decided that it is really just stupidity and he the Head Idiot.
After Sophia had been the first time. Arthur had sounded so miserable on the phone all week. Merlin had only come over to cheer him up, order some take out, drink a few beers, maybe watch a movie. He know logically in the back of his head when Arthur first kissed him that it wasn’t going to go well. He woke in the morning in Arthur’s bed, alone. There was a note, something about work and his father. Arthur managed to avoid him for two weeks, until the gang got together at somebody’s house. They never spoke of it.
Vivian had been a gorgeous right pain in the ass. She had been bitchy and bossy right from the start. Morgana’s theory was that she was the world’s best cocksucker. Gwaine’s theory was that she was very bendy. Either way, it didn’t make for a lasting relationship. Merlin knew deep inside he should have said no. In the morning there was a note about some foundation project. Merlin tried to talk to him but Arthur always managed to be busy until there was no point in talking.
Uther had arranged for Arthur to meet Elena. She was sweet, kind and possibly the clumsiest person on the planet. They were good together, had a lot of fun and if they had had no choice, they would have been ok. In the end, they decided they made better friends and she stuck around. Everything was good till she met Gwaine. Merlin knew better than to drink alone with Arthur but he would have been lying if he said he didn’t want it to happen, and hope that this time would be different. The note this time simply said he had to run.
Gwen and Merlin were hired at the same time as programmers at Lingua Magnifico and instantly hit it off. She was new in town and Merlin decided that she would fit in well with his group of friends. Within five minutes of meeting the girls had absorbed her into their click and Arthur had taken a shine to her. They dated for 8 months before Lance came along. In the end it was mutual.
Merlin had vowed not to be alone with Arthur anymore, especially after a breakup. He knew he had been an absolute idiot over him, letting Arthur use him. But it was hard to let go when Arthur was what he wanted. A group of them had been at his watching movies and drinking and when it all was said and done, he and Arthur were alone. Arthur didn’t even bother to leave a note. This time he stayed away.
Months passed but he couldn’t avoid him entirely. Merlin met Arthur’s latest girlfriend at Morgana and Leon’s wedding. Mithian was lovely. She was pretty with long brown hair and big brown eyes. She was bright and quick keeping Arthur on his toes. She was also unfailingly kind. She left because she didn’t want to be second in his heart.
“She said she didn’t want to be second,” Arthur bemoaned.
Merlin closed his eyes for a moment wondering what the hell he was doing, “Second?”
Arthur grabbed a beer and flopped down on the couch. “I am never going to have anyone. I will grow old and die alone.”
It could only be the beer talking. “What about me?”
What about you? Arthur gave him a puzzled look.
“Well, I’m somebody,” Merlin offered.
Arthur laughed. “I’m not gay Merlin.”
Merlin suddenly felt brave,“I know you’re not gay. You’re bi but I could live with that.”
“Live with that?” Arthur’s face practically scrunched into a question mark. “I’m not bi either.”
“What about..” Merlin gestured between the two of them.
Arthur made a dismissive wave with his hand. “We were just fooling around Merlin. Just experimenting.”
Merlin felt tight in the chest. He had no response to Arthur, just repeated the words to himself, “just experimenting.” He nodded his head, “So you would never…”
Arthur’s voice had that posh tone, as though he were offended that someone thought him too good for something. “Never what? “
Merlin swallowed nervously. He could only think it was now or never. “Consider me?
Arthur laughed. “Don’t be silly.”
Merlin took a deep breath as the feeling in his chest tightened and threatened to burst out his face. “Oh. ok.” He quietly finished his beer, set down the bottle and left without another word.
Merlin moved, not so far that they couldn’t visit but far enough away that dropping by wasn’t going to just happen. He still saw Gwen at work, and sometimes Lance and Gwaine. He got a couple of new friends and went back to school. He steadfastly refused to listen to stories of how unhappy Arthur was or how he had changed, had finally acknowledged who he was. “He knows where to find me.” He got drunk to celebrate six months without Arthur. After a year he thought he might be safe. He felt the last of his idiocy fade when he asked out a guy named Frey.