fractionallyfoxTitle: Always
Rating: R
Pairing/s: Gwaine/Leon
Character/s: Gwaine, Leon
Summary: Gwaine offers Leon his help.
Warnings: Modern!AU, sexual content, implied depression, mention of antidepressants
Word Count: 787
Prompt: #405 - "I've forgotten what it's like to feel young."
Author's Notes: I was working on something very different all weekend but here we are. It's implied that Leon deals with depression, or at least is troubled by his thoughts, but there's no extensive discussion. Antidepressants and their side effects are briefly mentioned.
"I've forgotten what it's like to feel young."
Gwaine didn't understand the statement.
It was too vague, too distant, too weighed down by thoughts he didn't have access to. He didn't know what it meant; he didn't know if he was supposed to know. He could only nod and push past it, determined to distract from whatever was putting the melancholy in Leon's tone.
He didn't pretend to have answers.
Gwaine settled over Leon in their bed, making practiced work of buttons and zips. He always knew what to do here. There was nothing vague or distant about relieving Leon of his clothes and seeking to warm hidden spots with his mouth. Gwaine took immense pleasure in the process. There were whole sections of Leon that were solely reserved for Gwaine, his eyes, his touch, his worship alone. Others had come and gone but every kiss, every bite, every hold pushed them further and further away, leaving only Gwaine on the surface of Leon's skin.
It was past, present, and future all at once.
A discovery. A distraction.
A promise.
Gwaine pulled his shirt off over his head, smiling when he felt Leon's hands find a place at his sides. He was always happy to do this, to be this; he prided himself in being something Leon desired. Leon asked for so little for himself, always thinking of others, always putting them first. He was hesitant to voice any request but Gwaine could see the want in his eyes. Leon's gaze followed him whenever he came out of the shower or came in from a run. It was piercing and hot, it demanded Gwaine's attention all while Leon stayed perfectly silent.
He was always too quiet.
Gwaine rummaged through the bedside table, returning triumphantly with a condom and lube. Leon shook his head and reached up to pluck the condom from Gwaine's mouth.
"Don't do that," he said softly.
"It makes you smile," Gwaine said, showing his cards with a kiss.
He kissed Leon slowly, opening him up to his ease, his tongue, his fingers. He couldn't read Leon's mind, he couldn't grasp the thoughts that were troubling him. He could feel the tension leave Leon's body, bit by bit, as hands dragged over his skin, through his hair, touched his face.
Gwaine always knew when the only thought on Leon's mind was him.
A hand settled on the back of his neck, firm and warm.
"Gwaine."
"Just a second."
The grip on Gwaine's neck tightened.
They took a breath.
Gwaine moved slowly, dragging the moments out. He tracked every action and reaction, chasing the touches that made Leon sigh, or moan, or - best of all - curse. He preened under every word, every soft, bitten-off fuck causing Gwaine to grin into Leon's skin.
Only he could do this.
Only he could drive the negativity out.
It took longer than expected.
Through no fault of his own, Leon's body had grown lethargic, slow to start, even slower to finish. It was a well-documented side effect but neither of them had known exactly how it would manifest. It made Leon quieter, even less prone to make requests, and that, to Gwaine, was unforgivable. Leon wasn't a burden. The pills served their purpose. They simply had to relearn the process.
It hadn't taken long.
Pacing was key. Slow and steady. Build and build and build.
It was a search for the peak, rather than a race.
Gwaine held out for the apex.
A promise.
He felt Leon shudder, the hand on his neck biting into Gwaine's skin. He moved his hands, set his hips, and dragged his mouth to Leon's ear.
"I love you."
There was more, more praise, more words of affection but the I love you was always the hardest. Fear jammed the words any time they tried to leave Gwaine's throat and he had to force the syllables to be soft, not hard. It was an unquestionable sentiment but it tore at his heart to say.
How could he still be scared?
Still?
The panic was forgotten when Leon fell, quietly, every part of his body relaxing in Gwaine's arms. The hand at Gwaine's neck fell to his shoulder, his chest, his hand. Leon kissed his fingers reverently, speaking softly at volumes that resounded in Gwaine's heart.
"I love you."
Gwaine took a breath.
He let go.
In their wake, there were no questions.
Gwaine found his home at Leon's side, their bodies cooling, their hearts coming to rest in their chests. He reached up to tap Leon's chin with his hand just to watch Leon turn to him and smile. He always knew how to make Leon smile.
He would always know.
"Let me help you."