Title: Outcome Based Education
Character/s: Merlin, Gwaine
Summary: Some things you shouldn't learn from books.
Word Count: 509
Author's Notes: Oh dear.
“Merlin, what are you doing?”
Gwaine dropped onto the sofa next to Merlin and tried to reach for his tablet. Merlin moved like a snake to avoid Gwaine’s arms and moved to sit on the arm of the sofa.
“Did you know the Kama Sutra isn’t actually a sex guide?”
This gave Gwaine pause. “Excuse me?”
“The Kama Sutra. Not a good sex guide.”
“Okay, don’t move.” Gwaine left the living room and returned holding two beers. He opened one, necked it and then opened the second, taking a dainty sip. “Let’s try this again. Why are you reading the Kama Sutra, Merlin?”
“Ah, well,” Merlin was going scarlet with embarrassment. “I have a third date tomorrow night.”
“And what happens on a third date?”
“I’m not too sure,” Merlin pushed his glasses up his nose. “I mean, this will be the first time I get to a third date and most of the internet says that’s the sex date.”
“Because the internet is so full of reliable information.”
“It was before Buzzfeed and blogs,” huffed Merlin. “But that’s the general consensus. Three dates equals sex.”
Gwaine took another sip of his beer. “Do you want to have sex?”
This sent Merlin’s face into an expression that could only be described as dopey.
“Well, that answers that. Look, Merlin, you can’t study for sex like it’s an exam.”
“But I don’t want it to be bad.”
“I doubt he’s going to give you marks afterwards unless those marks are love bites and beard burn. Those are the good kind of marks,”
“Don’t be gross, Gwaine.”
“I’m not. I’m trying to help you. Look, you want to shag him, he wants to shag you…” He checked with MErlin who nodded. “That’s all you need.”
“But what if he wants to do a thing that I don’t know! Like the reverse cowgirl!”
Gwaine bit his lip to stop from laughing at his friend. “Maybe just go with blowjobs and work your way up from there.”
Merlin paled. “Oh god, what if I bite him or choke!”
“Only if you’re lucky,” muttered Gwaine, shaking his head. He took Merlin’s tablet from him and quickly loaded YouPorn. “Here, watch some of these. They’re easy enough and don’t require stretching beforehand.”
He handed the tablet back to Merlin and downed his beer before letting out a rather loud belch.
“Okay, I’m heading down the pub to give you some time to research in private.” He clapped a hand on Merlin’s shoulder and gave him a serious look. “Whatever happens, make sure it’s sane, sober and consensual. And don’t forget the most important thing.”
“Have fun. It’s not an exam, Merlin, it’s playtime and you must have fun and laugh and enjoy it.”
Merlin was already moving from the living room to his bedroom, eyebrows scrunched together in concentration.
Gwaine shook his head and grabbed his jacket from the coat rack by the door. “And if he doesn’t make it a good time, I’ll kill him,” muttered Gwaine as he left.