oestentiaTitle: Trials and tribulations
Rating: G
Pairing/s: Merlin/Arthur
Character/s: Merlin, Arthur
Summary: Fix-it for 5x05 episode: The Disir
Warnings: None
Word Count: 689
Prompt: 482 I Trust You
Author's Notes: So sorry for being late... Again. T_T
When the words finally do come, Merlin never thought he'd be on the other side of them.
See, in his head, ever since the day he'd stepped into Camelot, it had always been: Magic; secret; protect with life; Uther; must tell Arthur; mustn't tell Arthur. And then, as he'd acclimated to being in Camelot, those feelings had changed to: friendship; loyalty; protection; what will Arthur think; will Arthur ever trust anyone after him?; duty; kindness; sacrifice; and, most of all love.
So, Merlin didn't think anyone would blame him for thinking that he'd be the one on the other end -- the one wanting acceptance. And maybe one day, when the skies were clear and the stars aligned, Arthur would keep his palm on Merlin's shoulder -- the same way he kept on all of his knights; on Gwen's shoulder. And he'd say, "I trust you, Merlin. You've served me well. Even though you never take credit; and even though you're a sorcerer. And I hope that you'll continue to do so -- thank you for everything you've done. You're a good friend."
Merlin knows it's ludicrous, but he continues to dream.
He shakes out of his reverie just as Arthur's at mid-sentence: "-- my father was wrong, perhaps the old ways aren't as evil as we thought. So what should we do? Accept magic? Or let Mordred die?" -- and with Gaius' words still swirling in his head from this morning, Merlin takes a leap of faith.
*
He doesn't call it a leap of faith because he doesn't trust Arthur. Because he does, with his entire being. After all, he's been the one hammering the exact same words in Arthur's thick head for the past however many years. But he calls it a leap of faith because it goes against every instinct Merlin has honed since being in Arthur's service.
His skull is screaming at him to stop, to make sure Mordred dies and the prophecy never fulfills. But somewhere in there, Gaius' words have made a tiny scratch too -- no, a dent. And Merlin, for the life of him, can't let it go.
How did it come to this? He was supposed to be a protector. When did he become a killer?
He used to be the one wanting to save people. Take the moral high ground. Make Arthur believe in magic. When did he start running amok trying to murder innocent children for a crime they haven't yet committed?
What happened to the boy who came on Gaius' doorstep all those years ago?
With quivering hands and his heartbeat thumping in his ears, Merlin says the same thing he's been telling Arthur all along. "You have a good heart Arthur. Whatever decision you make, you'll make for the good of your people. For all of your people. I trust you."
There, done now. He's gone against everything he's learned. Everything he's been trying to avoid. Merlin thinks maybe he's just trying too hard and needs to let go. Let nature take its course -- changing destiny has never worked for him before anyways.
In all of this, Merlin doesn't sense his breaths coming easier. He only notices it when he looks at Arthur and his face has gone slack. Merlin thinks it's the face of a man who's finally come to the end of a long thought-out decision.
"I think... it's time. My father left this kingdom to me -- to take care of it. Of all its people. How can I take care of them when half are impoverished? Dying? Hiding? Fighting for their lives? To be accepted? We saw that old woman at the stake -- she didn't do anything wrong, and yet... You're right Merlin. It's high time. People have suffered long enough. Besides, we never leave a man behind. It's in the Knights code."
Arthur smirks and gets up to sleep. It takes Merlin a whole another moment to realise that the wetness on his cheeks is his own. He doesn't know what to say -- his throat is parched, his breathing coming in stutters. But his heart? His heart has never been lighter.