So much bad judgement

Author: slowroad93

Title: So much bad judgement

Rating: G

Pairing: Arthur/Merlin 

Characters: Arthur Pendragon, Guinevere,  Gwaine, 

Summary:  Gwen tells Arthur that she cannot marry him because she's in love with Lancelot. Arthur wonders why nothing in his life seems to go right. Is it just a lot of bad luck?

Warnings: None

Word Count: 543 words

Prompt: Bad luck

I watched Guinevere walk away with a lump in my throat. What was going on with my life? First my sister turned against me, then my father died, I trusted the wrong person in Agravaine and now the woman I’d hoped to marry was telling me that she couldn’t go through with it because she was in love with my best friend, that they’d been in love before I’d imperiously stepped in and claimed her. She’d known that I was hurting from Morgana’s betrayal and she hadn’t wanted to hurt me more. She thought she was doing her duty, but she realised that it wouldn’t be right to go through with the wedding when her heart belonged to another. Was this all a lot of bad luck? Or was it just me making a lot of mistakes? Would I ever be a good king?

…

“It’s not bad luck, princess, it’s bad judgement,” Gwaine said, in that direct way of his, as he poured me another drink.

“You tried too hard to please your father. You saw his flaws and his mistakes, but you never opposed him. Morgana’s betrayal was not your fault. You couldn’t have known that she was your sister or that Morgause was poisoning her mind. But Gwen? It was obvious that she and Lance loved each other. It was even more obvious that you didn’t love her. You just made yourself think that you did because you didn’t want to face the truth. And you pushed away the one person who always told you the truth and tried to lead you right. Merlin gave you everything, but you couldn’t treat him right and now he’s gone.”

Gwaine sounded bitter…with good reason. Merlin is one of his best friends. He was my best friend too, probably more than that, if I have to be honest, but I haven’t wanted to be. He argued with me over Agravaine. I wanted to believe that my uncle was a good person. I felt too young and unsure of myself when my father died and I felt that I needed Agravaine’s guidance. I didn’t listen to Merlin. I hurt him and I pushed him away because I didn’t want to face the truth about my feelings for him. I convinced myself that I could love Guinevere and marry her and she accepted me out of a sense of duty. That makes me feel awful.

“You’re right,” I said, as I accepted another drink. “So much bad judgement.” I didn’t know what to do about any of it, so I got drunk.

…

I woke up with a sore head the next morning. Someone was banging on my door. I stumbled out of bed and opened the door to find Gwaine.

“I’m going to Ealdor,” he declared, “And you’re coming with me. We’re going to go there, you’re going to admit that you were a fool, you’re going to apologise and beg him to come back.”

That set off the butterflies in my stomach. The thought of seeing Merlin again was…wonderful, terrifying…could I do this? Could I convince him to come back after the way I treated him?

“What if he says no?”

“Then you kiss him into submission. Now get dressed, princess. Let’s go.”