It's Better This Way

weepingwillow9

Merlin flips through the photographs of what they once were.

He’d made albums, when Arthur still loved him. Them together, in the sun, on a beach in Wales. Snuggled on their sofa in the semi-darkness. Out in the park, Arthur covered in mud from a rugby game, Merlin kissing him silly from pride.

But now that’s over. He was all wrong; they were all wrong.

He’d pushed Arthur too far. He should have known not to press the subject of family, but he could see the damage that the way Arthur dealt with his father and his sister was doing to him, to them, and he wanted to fix it.

But Arthur had walked. And now he wasn’t coming back. Merlin couldn’t bring himself to hate him for it. That was the worst of it.

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Arthur checks Merlin’s facebook photos. They aren’t friends on the site any more, but that doesn’t stop him. Merlin never did quite get to grips with computers, always needed Arthur to show him how to work them properly.

He looks good. He’s doing well. There’s no boyfriend on the scene, not yet, but there’s always Gwaine hanging around in the background, and they’ve always had that chemistry – not that it ever worried Arthur when they were together, but now. Well. Arthur would at least be able to trust Gwaine to take good care of him if they did end up together.

So many times, Arthur almost went back. But he couldn’t quite bring himself to. Afraid of Merlin turning him down, afraid of the sight of Merlin happy without him. Afraid of it all happening again, of him not being able to get better for Merlin, not being able to leave the scars of his childhood behind and just deal with things. Afraid of bringing Merlin down with his fucked up family.

No, it’s better for both of them like this. No one gets hurt. If Merlin hasn’t got over him by now, he will do, easily. Arthur has so many faults, it will be easy. And Arthur, himself, well. He can manage. He always does.