Title: In The End
Summary: Post 5.13, Merlin is going through the stages of grief, and he has just reached the bitter phase.
Word Count: ~450
Author's Notes: One of the definitions of bitter on the 'net was this: Resulting from or expressive of severe grief, anguish, or disappointment: cried bitter tears. And so here goes.
Inspired heavily from the song In The End by Linkin Park. It's been a tough week. Don't judge me.
Merlin was glad this was a deserted place, the bank of the lake. He was certain that the only people lurking in these parts of the forest would be Saxons, and damn if he cares even a bit about what happens to them.
Because he had lost the single most important person to him, and he had crossed the stages of denial and shock and was now bitter. Angry, even. He had tried so hard, and got so far, only to lose it all in the end. And how was that fair? He had lived the last ten years of his life pretending to be less than he was. He had sacrificed his blood and soul for the cause that he hadn't even wanted to be a part of to begin with. He watched the time go out the window, and instead of living it for himself, he had tried so hard to dedicate it to his destiny with Arthur. Instead of the powerful warlock that he was, he had been forced to act as a lowly, stupid, unworthy manservant. Despite the ways Arthur had mocked him, the way that he got treated as part of his property, he had not given up. He had put his trust in Arthur and pushed himself as far as he could. And what did it come to finally?
Not that all of it had entirely gone to waste. After he had returned to Camelot, feeling like a worthless failure, Gwen had talked to him about restoring magic in the kingdom, and laws were being discussed right that very minute he was sitting beside the lake. He had come back to it almost every day since he had set Arthur afloat, because Kilgarrah had said that Arthur would return.
Magic was being accepted again and Camelot was surely going to achieve the glory it was destined to. There had been messengers from the other kingdoms already and slowly but surely, the reunion of Albion was becoming a reality rather than the fantasy it had been so far. But Merlin still despaired, because it all meant nothing to him right now. Because it was not meant to be like this. All of this was meaningless without the man for whom he went to all this length. It seems like a waste if he wasn't there to see the golden age of Albion. If Arthur wasn't there to rule over the United Kingdom, well what was the point of it all? How do any of the achievements signify anything of importance without Arthur?
He raised his hand as his eyes glowed golden.In the end, none of it really mattered.