Character/s:Arthur, Merlin, Uther, Gaius
Summary: Merlin has left Camelot and Arthur can't overcome his departure.
Author's Notes:Thanks to derenai for the beta. Part of my "My special one" series.
Merlin had left Camelot three fortnights ago and Arthur still couldn’t sleep. Each night, he thought about the young man, about the moments they had shared, about the way he had taken so long to realize bringing Merlin to Camelot had been a mistake.
Arthur was torn between regrets and grief. Grief for the loss of the man he loved. Regrets that he hadn’t left Merlin in Ealdor and bought another slave… Yes, he was now able to use that word. Merlin had managed to open his eyes on the truth about his “toys”. They weren’t anything more than slave and even if he treated them well they weren’t free.
Arthur hadn’t called any of them since Merlin’s departure. Not even Gwaine or Leon. He didn’t want them. He only wanted Merlin, the only man he would never have.
It was his doom, his sentence for his mistakes. He was destined not to have the only thing he truly wished for.
Arthur wasn’t angry, he was too sad for that. He had heard Gaius and his Father talking about him, using words like “broken down”, “grieving”… He hadn’t tried to reassure them, he didn’t have enough energy for that.
He just wanted to be alone and think about Merlin. Nothing else mattered.
Days passed by and nothing changed. One day, Gwaine came, probably sent by Uther but Arthur refused to talk to him like he refused to talk to Leon the next day. He even sent his Father away.
What would he have said to them? That he had fallen in love with Merlin, the man he had kidnapped from his village? The man who would never forgive him. And that he was so weak he couldn’t even cope with that? That he was ashamed of his behavior, that he wanted to change all the laws and tradition just because he was in love with a peasant?
He couldn’t tell them the truth so he preferred not to talk to them. It was easier like this. Arthur didn’t want to make any effort. He was feeling so empty. And nothing seemed capable of making him feel whole again.