emjayelle (emjayelle) wrote in camelot_drabble,
emjayelle
emjayelle
camelot_drabble

The Way

Author: emjayelle
Title: The Way
Rating: PG
Pairing/s: -
Character/s: Merlin
Summary: It was dark and stormy in his mind, dark and cold. He was trapped. Trapped in a fever, a dream, a magical otherworld.
Warnings:
Word Count: 686
Prompt: Prompt #7 - Family
Author's Notes: Tried something a bit new. Not sure if it works. Maybe not. Can't get them all right, I guess :)


Mother, Arthur, Gaius, Gwen, Gwaine, Percival, Leon, Elyan, Mother, Arthur, Gaius…

Like a mantra, over and over. Never lose sight of these names. Never forget them.

It was dark and stormy in his mind, dark and cold. He was trapped. Trapped in a fever, a dream, a magical otherworld. No matter. He just knew he had to find his way back. Had to climb out of the pit. Shadows grasped at his skin. Wraiths lived in corners, sharp teeth gleaming, featureless faces he knew belonged to the people he had wronged. Might wrong. Would wrong.
The ones he had lost.

Freya, gentle and scared and strong, living in the weeds of a deep dark lake.
Climbing haystacks with Will, staying up late looking at the stars.
Balinor. Balinor and all the things he wished he had said. All the things he will never be able to say.
Lancelot , all silver and brave, rubbing his back, squeezing his shoulders when the secrets got too heavy to bear.
And Morgana. Helping him, trusting him. Cruel, dark and lost Morgana trying to kill him.


Time stretched and contracted. He lived several lifetimes in a second, one breath took him a hundred years to take. Things shifted and moved around him, whispery and intangible, distorted. He walked through caves. Black tunnels full of rotting smells and heavy with the sound of his own erratic breathing and the growling of monsters he could not see.

Mother, Arthur, Gaius, Gwen, Gwaine, Percival, Leon, Elyan, Mother…

Over and over and over.

He clung desperately to the names, the memories, the fleeting images they created, the warmth they brought.

His mother’s hand pushing away his hair from his forehead as he was sick the first time he drank too much wine, cool and reassuring.
Gwen sitting on the castle’s steps beside him, bumping her shoulder against his, a smile on her face.
Percival throwing him over his shoulder after he lost a bet.
Leon teaching him the proper way of holding a crossbow.


Deeper and deeper into the caves. His chest felt tight. He dragged his nails over his sternum. Blood pumped in his ears. Rivers of blood, flowed, flowed out of him, drenching the world in red, in blinding crimson. Walls moved, enclosing him tightly, pulling away as suddenly into vast opened spaces too full of air. Too big to inhabit. Ghosts in his mind. Ghosts stuck to his flesh. His flesh melting. His skin too tight. Choking, choking him.

Gwaine slapping him on the back making him topple over on the floor of the tavern, throwing his head back in a laugh.
Collecting herbs with Gaius, pouring over books. Magical books. His secret sharer.
Elyan helping him repair Arthur’s shield.
Arthur…Arthur…


It was too cold and it was too hot. His legs were like lead, but he was floating. He was drowning in icy rivers. He lived a thousand deaths. Was born a thousand times. And always the darkness at his back, reaching for him, reaching and grabbing. He smelled the stench of its breath, heard the snarl of its voice, burning, like hot coals in his hands.
Panic seized his muscles, all blurry edges. Swallowing was hard. Fear strangling him and the world a constant spiral a movement, so dizzying. He did not know the way.

Remember, remember the names.

Mother, Arthur, Gaius, Gwen, Gwaine, Percival, Leon, Elyan, Mother, Arthur…Arthur…Arthur

Every single memories. Every single moments.
A shared path littered with laughter and tears and battles lost and won.
Truths whispered, lies told. A dream. A fantasy.
Blue eyes and strong hands. A brave heart. And devotion beyond measure.
A destiny. Their destiny.


Remember them. Remember.

This is why he fights. This is why he lives.
They are the guides that will lead him out. Out of here, this nightmare, this suffocating gloom dragging him down, down and away.
A light to wrench away the folds, to melt away the walls. A light to break through the ribs of the beast swallowing him.

To lead the way.

Mother, Arthur, Gaius, Gwen, Gwaine, Percival, Leon, Elyan, Mother, Arthur, Gaius…
Tags: *c:emjayelle, c:merlin, pt 007:family, rating:pg, type:drabble
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  • Not What You Think

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