archaeologist_d (archaeologist_d) wrote in camelot_drabble,

I couldn't let him go

Author: archaeologist_d
Title: I couldn't let him go
Rating: G
Pairing/s: Merlin & Arthur
Character/s: Merlin, Arthur
Summary: Merlin's grief wouldn't let him say goodbye.
Warnings: major character death
Word Count:300
Prompt:182 Funeral
Author's Notes: None. Unbetaed.

I couldn't let him go.

Pushing the boat out into the water, his hair golden in the sunlight, Arthur looked as if he were still asleep. But instead, Mordred's sword-thrust had been a final blow, and for all my strength, my magic was useless against it. Now he floated away, my world, my Arthur, and I had nothing left but grief.

He'd never call me idiot, never look at me with those blue eyes again, never grin at me, mock me as only he could.

He'd never know how much I loved him. In the end, I was too much a coward to tell him.

Now, instead there was only the sound of water and the silence of words forever unspoken.

Floating further into Avalon's mist, I knew I should use my magic, turn his bier into a raging inferno, give him a king's funeral, something worthy of him as I had never been.

It would be the final act, one he'd expect of me.

It had been different with the others. Will's body burning, a hero's end, and Freya, lovely Freya surrounded by flowers as I set her boat ablaze. Lancelot's body had been lost to the Dorocha - the true one, not that shade's corpse tossed into the cesspit as with all traitors; he'd been deserving of fire and light and acknowledgment and Arthur had honored him with a blaze at the heart of Camelot.

As Arthur should be honored. With a firestorm that would shatter the very bones of the world.

But I couldn't.

I couldn't let him go.

Instead he faded from sight, lost forever, unburned, unburied.

And I sat down, waiting for the grief's fire in what was left of my heart to die, too. Knowing that it never would.

Because I couldn't let him go.
Tags: *c:archaeologist_d, c:arthur, c:merlin, pt 182:funeral, rating:g, type:drabble

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