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Merlin couldn’t look as they lowered the casket in the grave. He didn’t want it to be his last image of Arthur, he didn’t want to remember that moment.

***

Merlin didn’t came back on the anniversary of Arthur’s death. He chose to come on the day they had kissed for the first time. He wanted to brighten that moment, even a little.

The grave was still covered by flowers. Morgana put her white roses bouquet first and removed the older ones. Merlin had chose forget-me-not.

***

A year later, Merlin came alone. He needed it. To tell Arthur how much he was missing him, to tell him how his life felt useless and void since that awful rainy evening.

He sat on the floor next to the grave and talked for hours, until his legs ached.

***

Another year, another visit. Merlin still couldn’t believe Arthur would never be in his life again. Though, coming and seeing the grave was helping him cope and realise that he has to learn to live without Arthur by his side.

***

Merlin had asked Percival to wait in the car. It didn’t fell right to have him come to Arthur’s grave. Though, Merlin told Arthur about the wonderful man that had managed to make him smile again.

***

“Are you sure?” Percival asked as Merlin lead him through the cemetery gates.

“Yes. Arthur… Arthur would have wanted me to be happy. I want to let him now I am.”

“Merlin.”

Percival put his arm around his boyfriend shoulders as they walked silently.

***

Merlin kept going to Arthur’s grave every year. Though, it wasn’t to grieve his lover anymore. It was to thank him for the joy he had brought him when they had been together, to thank Arthur for having made him the man he was now.