Title: How to use the perfect servant to teach a prat a teasing lesson
Characters: Merlin, George, Arthur
Summary: Flinging chicken bones? Oh Merlin has the perfect teasing lesson for a certain prat!
Warnings: brass alert!!!...silly me, lots of crack too
Word Count: 982
Author's Notes: Okay, my first sneaky Merlin, brassy George, cranky Arthur story was so fun, had to write a sort of sequel. And the response was lovely too so for all who enjoyed the first one and a special note of thanks to jelazakazone and kleinefee92 who also share a nice appreciation for George, lol!
How to use the perfect servant to teach a prat a teasing lesson
Now throwing saucers and goblets at your faithful hard working servant was one thing. But flinging a chicken bone was another. It was gross, littered up the floor, and was viably dangerous, could have given him given him brain damage if he hadn’t perfected the art of ducking. Sure Arthur had been riled up lately, but that was no excuse!
Something needed to be done. But what?
“Sir Gerald, it will be my honor to keep up your brass’s polishing whilst you are gone. Truly…”
Merlin’s face lit up with a tease of trickery. “George!” Merlin danced into the room with a sun beaming grin after the knight’s departure. “So glad I found you.”
“Merlin.” George smiled politely as he wiped down Sir Gerald’s already gleaming, sparkling, beaming, coruscating, scintillating, radiating, twinkling and don’t forget beaming like a baby’s bum brass.
As Merlin started to touch one of the pieces though, George’s polite smile turned to a dragon’s rage. “AH. Merlin do NOT touch.”
Hee hee…too fun.
Oh George was just a bucket full of brass fetishes!
“Ah, George…” Merlin wrapped an arm around his old friend. “Enough teasing. I should just get right to it. Arthur is being a prat.”
George’s perfectly lined eyebrows went up like two perfectly lined arches. “Er…did I not teach you about propriety and proper use of name, Merlin?”
What? Sometimes George just babbled on like a chicken. “Um, yeah, sure. Now George, I need your help.”
George was too besotted by his beautiful baby bum shining brass. Merlin needed better incentive.
He flew out of the room, dashed through the corridors, came to the chambers of a certain knight, picked up a few items as the knight was currently on patrol and then ran back into the quarters of Sir Gerald where George was back to his brass polishing, making a statue of a horse beam like the sun’s rays.
Merlin was afraid he’d have to invest in shields without being blinded. Avoiding the danger, Merlin jumped into place right beside George. The man, so transfigured by his brass let out a holler of surprise.
Merlin thrust them forward. “See, George! A new knight has so many pieces like this that he really needs polished-
George’s eyes widened as he noticed they were not gleaming, scintillating or twinkling… “OH MY…these look terrible!”
“Don’t they George? They’re just plainly AWFUL. But I know YOU could fix them George.”
The other wasn’t stupid. “And pray tell what do you want Merlin?”
The manservant’s look was innocent. “Nothing George…just…”
He started whispering in his ear…
Arthur grumbled in his sleep. Guinevere was away visiting a neighboring queen. Hence, his mood was irritable, especially after the duke’s unexpected laboring visit. He tossed and turned, feeling the light of morning flashing through his quarters. Sleepily, barely opening his eyes, he reached down on the floor, finding a saucer and sent it flying in Merlin’s direction.
He waited for the clang…strange…seemed to be none. Arthur pushed his fist against the pillow and finally opened his eyes to see…wait a minute. This wasn’t Merlin. In fact-
“Ah, Sire. Awake now, yes?” It’s a good thing I spent so many years practicing how to catch a sparrow as it is flying in the air. Otherwise I never would have been able to catch that oddly flying saucer.”
Arthur stared, took a look around the room and viewed the food that was made for a 300 pound king and company. “Er…George.”
“Ah, yes Sire.” George put the saucer down upon the table and then moved toward Arthur, fixing a bib around his neck which Arthur looked down at with confused discontent. Feeling a plate of food for a legion being put into his lap, he lifted his fork with question.
“Where is Merlin?”
“I regret to say Sire, Merlin is unwell at the moment.”
“Right. Or just being lazy. Or at the tavern.”
George’s eyebrows squared with sobriety. “Actually Sire it seems that Merlin has suffered a mild concussion. He is being treated by Gaius for the head trauma.”
Arthur’s eyes fixed on the saucer, his mind filling with shame and concern. “Did er…Gaius say how it happened?”
“Apparently he was HIT with something.”
Arthur’s shame intensified to an ocean’s fill. He could have sworn Merlin ducked each time, but his mood of late had been terrible. Merlin was the clumsy sort. Maybe he failed to move quickly enough once.
Arthur pushed away his bed covers and scurried to the door. “Not terribly hungry right now George. I’ll just go check and see if er…”
Opening the door, he was ready to run down the hallway bare foot when-
George rolled his eyes. Really. Like children. But if he got his fill of brass, so be it.
Arthur felt the clang of a cabbage coming across his temple and then sailing down to the floor. There was his beaming manservant, not at all HURT. Arthur glared.
Merlin’s beam lost its luster. “Funny, right Arthur?”
Arthur’s smirk turned on. “Oh yes Merlin. So funny. Now how about a day in the stocks? I hear there’s a new crop of ROCK hard potatoes.”
Merlin audaciously teased. “Can’t take a joke?”
“You’re the joke Merlin. And now-
“I was just trying to show you how wrong it is to throw things at people.”
Arthur grinned. “But I don’t throw things at people, Merlin. I just throw them at you!”
And with that, a bunch of flying objects started sailing through the air making Merlin scurry down the stairs, letting out as he ran through the downstairs hallways,
“CABBAGEHEAD! Knew you cared! You were going to make sure I was okay!”
Arthur’s head was indeed filled with messy cabbage now. Merlin had put oil upon it to make it stick. But he would get his revenge. Oh yes indeed. Looking backward, Arthur smiled.
Now how’s that for a teasing ending?♡